How to Manage Stress & Anxiety When You’re Engaged
You’re engaged— Congratulations!
Being engaged to the love of your life is one of the most special seasons. It’s full of joy for the love you share and hope for the life you’ll build together. And while this season is full of so much goodness, it doesn’t mean it’s void of stress, anxiety, pressure and pain.
You see, life continues with its highs and lows even when you’re engaged (and married). In fact, it seems that the highs and lows during engagement can not only feel present, but magnified. It either feels really good or really…not so good.
Have you experienced this already?
Friend, so many of us have.
To help you during the not-so-great moments, we’re sharing a list of tools that have been instrumental for us and those close to us (including couples we work with) to stay more grounded and peaceful during the engagement season.
At the end of the day, do what is best and healthiest for you!
Movement
Moving our bodies helps us be more present in the moment. Instead of focusing on our racing thoughts or our to-do lists, we’re focusing on our breath, the next step or pose.
Movement can also help us process what we’ve been worrying about. Usually if we’re stuck on something and take a break to go for a walk or a run, as soon as we return to where we were stuck, the solution becomes more clear.
In the words of Elle Woods, “EXERCISE GIVES YOU ENDORPHINS; ENDORPHINS MAKE YOU HAPPY AND HAPPY PEOPLE JUST DON'T SHOOT THEIR HUSBANDS!”
Meditation
Like movement, meditation helps us be in the present moment by giving ourselves a reprieve from life’s stresses (and especially some of those bigger stressors). More than that, it allows us to tap into our parasympathetic nervous systems and to rest and process. Taking even five or ten minutes to meditate can help us recharge.
Check out this article to read about how important it is to activate your parasympathetic nervous system!
An app our team loves to use for meditation is Insight Timer. There are options to utilize a free version or you can upgrade for more access to amazing meditations and courses.
Journaling
Journaling is an active processing tool, and sometimes it just feels really good to write it out. Acknowledging and releasing the thoughts and feelings that gradually fill up our minds frees up space and energy in our lives. It can help us clear mental clutter, identify a problem or solution more clearly, and can help us recognize not only the things we are struggling with but also the progress we’ve made in our lives.
Therapy
We personally think there is potential benefit for anyone and everyone in speaking with a counselor on a regular basis, or from time to time, depending on your needs.
Speaking with a trained professional can serve as a safe guide through and provide helpful tools for processing our thoughts and experiences. Even if it’s just a check in, it can be helpful to process an aspect of wedding planning, shifting family dynamics, or personal reflection.
When we’re healthy, our relationships are healthier.
Celia, lead planner, lived with traumatic anxiety (the younger sibling of PTSD). Through EMDR therapy she’s been able to heal from many of the deeper issues causing her anxiety and has gained tools on how to manage when overwhelming feelings, thoughts, and fears arise.
If you are experiencing frequent feelings of anxiety, depression or anything else, know that you’re not alone and that it’s okay to reach out for help.
If you want to get started, Psychology Today can help you find a therapist in your area.
Active rest
Do something that brings you joy and helps you feel alive! Whether it’s an existing or a new hobby, a fun day of play with some friends or by yourself, do something you don’t get paid to do or “need” to do. Even if it’s one thing once a day, week, or month, do it to remind yourself that life if fun and you’re alive.
Some ideas—
Read for fun
Knitting
Photography
Hiking
Paddle boarding
Painting
Writing
Running
Cooking or baking
Volunteering
Gardening
Join a choir or band
Rest rest
Getting plenty of sleep will helps us physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not to sound like your grandma, but make sure you get the sleep you need so you feel like yourself. When we don’t get much rest, we see a marked difference in ourselves. We’re less motivated, have poor attitudes, are more easily aggravated, and our bodies are letting us know.
Get those zzz’s friend. You won’t regret it!
Boundaries
Friend, you have the power and responsibility to set boundaries.
If certain situations surrounding wedding planning or general situations drain you, you can make a change.
If comments are made that are inappropriate and cross a line for you, you can leave the conversation and let the person know that you would appreciate an apology or change in topic.
If others express expectations of you that you do not want to meet, you can share what you are able to give to reset their expectations.
If you want more of something in your life, you can pursue it and express your desires!
If you expect something from your partner, friends, or family, share those expectations so everyone is aware of what you need or want.
If you are in need of assistance or just someone to listen, request it specifically. You are worth loving and supporting.
While planning your wedding, we recommend keeping an open conversation with those closest to you about what you need and what they are able to give in addition to what they need and what you are able to give. Remember, their lives are also continuing. Don’t be shy about asking how they are doing or what they are excited about, too.
Not sure where to begin with boundaries? Life Coach Madison Morrigan has a great Boundaries 101 course!
Be yourself
Get clear on who you are, what you value, and what you and your partner desire for your wedding day and life together. Being yourselves sheds the pressure of everyone else’s “shoulds.” Allow who you are and your story to guide your decisions in this process.
Please note that everything shared is based on personal experience, interpretations in conversation, and opinions. Always do what is best for you personally.